Too young to acknowledge follies.

This summer I went swimming

This summer I might have drowned

But I held my breath and I kicked my feet

And I moved my arms around

I moved my arms around

This sumer I swam in the ocean

Swam in the swimming pool

Salt in my wounds, chlorine in my eyes

I'm a self-destructive fool

A self-destructive fool

Ah, now I know where Rufus Wainwright gets his genius streak from - Loudon Wainwright III. I knew his whole family comprised of professional musicians but I had no idea how awesome his father was. "The Swimming Song" is pretty much first class genius. It has totally changed my opinion on folk rock. The lyrics are cheeky just like Rufus' but it's extremely introspective just like Rufus' too. Like father, like son, seriously. Amazing stuff.

For the past few days, the moment I wake up, I'm singing this song or humming the tune and listen to it on repeat all the way to school, then during school, then on the way home. I just love the feeling it gives me. It's like a great big hug comforting me that everyone's a self destructive fool at one point or another but we all survive.

I skipped school today 'cause I'm not feeling well. Strangely enough, I was hoping to skip school today and bam I get a running nose and a headache so it all works out for me as long as it's not H1N1.

Come to think about it, "The Swimming Song" perfectly describes my state of mind; too young, reckless and lazy to care about pertinent problems. Maybe that's why I love the song so much. Oh well, my results have been shit as expected yet there's a huge part of me that is totally nonchalant about them.

I was listening to Gavin DeGraw's Belief on Dick's IPOD and I couldn't help but feel a sense of longing and it sort of brought the reality of my results right in my face. Belief perfectly painted the picture when someone believes in you, more so than you do yourself especially in times of crisis. And yeah other people may say that they believe in you but more often than not, it's just words 'cause they don't even know what exactly to believe in. The only two people in the world that can do that and make me come to my senses and make me feel better are not around. One's probably finishing up his Physics paper right about now while the other is probably teaching her school kids. Yeah, belief is a powerful thing which I really could do with now.

Ah, I'll have to get down to serious business soon whether I like it or not. Let's consider this as me paying my dues before I truly get to do what I want in a few months time. And that can only happen either in California or New York or North Carolina or Austin but definitely in America.

Call me young and naive about the future but what Pearl S. Buck wrote half a century ago, "The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible - and achieve it, generation after generation," still rings true in this day and age. And it is with that belief and conviction, I'm fearless and inspired, ready to take on the world. Are you?

*

He says it's all the same

The smiles and the compliments

IF everyone leaves in the end.